An introduction and welcome… September 13, 2008

Greetings, all!

However you stumbled into my little corner of the virtual world, welcome.  I wish I could offer you a nice drink and a snack, but unless I’ve just been ‘grown-up’ shopping, a juice box and goldfish crackers are probably the best I can offer.  Socializing and hosting just aren’t quite my forte.

I must admit that I probably feel most at home in the virtual world… where I can think through my words before they escape from my lips leaving a void for my foot to fill.  The ‘real world’ in which I find myself is filled with a good mix of joys and mindboggling moments that keep me on my toes.  And I return to my little virtual space to recharge and relax, because, quite frankly… the world I live in can be downright overwhelming at times.

I am now the very happy wife of a wonderful supportive (and equally geeky and introverted) husband and mom of two amazing boys.  We reside in the beautiful Pacific Northwest, but in the land of suburbia.  PTA meetings, soccer moms, playdates, and the like.  I am a former teacher who is now staying at home with my boys.  By day, I am a forced extrovert, chatting on the playground and at karate lessons.  And now this is home to my happy introverted self.  My place to comment on the sometimes crazy world of suburbia.

My dear friend (also virtual) helped me name this blog… IntroVersion 1.0.  You know, to leave room for upgrades. 

Thank you for joining me, you know, kinda’… where I can log off without seeming rude.

Highlights… September 23, 2009

Wow. I guess I got caught up in the back to school whirlwind… though the fact that my school hasn’t let up flowing straight from summer classes into fall quarter and interning adds to that.

Anyway, some highlights.

Boys returned to school starting 4th and 1st grades.

Boys stayed home from school on day two with head lice. I did more vacuuming and laundry than I ever thought I could.

Zwei lost his first tooth causing him to ponder the existence of the tooth fairy. “There is no tooth fairy, because you wouldn’t allow strangers into our house in the middle of the night.”
“There is a tooth fairy, because we get money, and why would you give us your own money, that doesn’t make sense.”
And finally, “The tooth fairy is real and lives in North Dakota.” (Why? “Because all four quarters I got say North Dakota on them.”)

Eins has soccer and decides to play the cello.

Zwei chooses yoga and chess for his afterschool activities?!?

I start interning in an amazing program for junior high kiddoes with moderate to severe learning disabilities.

Eins misspells word on spelling test with one of my favorite misspellings ever… sarahnated for serenaded.

And that’s our month at a glance. I’ll try to be better with blogging.

Back to school… August 23, 2009

Seriously!? Why is it necessary for every radio station announcer, advertisement, and store clerk to assume that back to school marks the beginning of a 9-month long prison sentence for children and some joyous vacation for parents? “Parents are excited…” “Kids dreading…”

Is school so horrible? If not, do we have to portray it that way?
Do parents really feel miserable with their children around?

My children actually are looking forward to the start of school.
1. School is (on good days) interesting and engaging. They learn stuff.
2. Their friends are there. It is social.
3. It provides more structure than a typical summer day at home, and that’s not all too bad.

I am not eager to have my kids out of the house, even if I must admit that grocery trips will be a bit easier.
1. My children are interesting little people, and I like having them around.
2. There are so many things to explore still, particularly since much of my summer was spent doing my homework and being a student.
3. They grow up too fast. A day will come when the house is empty, and I am likely to miss the Lego battles and crazy art projects that filled our days.

Getting older… August 7, 2009

I remember the day in high school when Jim Henson died. I remember sitting with friends and talking about our favorite Muppets.

I remember mourning Kurt Cobain’s suicide. Yes, it was suicide, but it doesn’t make it any less tragic.

I remember President Reagan’s passing, and although I don’t agree with his politics, he was such an iconic figure of the 80’s that I had to be touched.

I was one of the folks following facebook updates at the recent passing of Michael Jackson. What child of the 80’s doesn’t remember stuffing one glove in a pocket and moonwalking on the ice in the school playground? Okay, maybe that was just me, but his music touched a lot of people.

And now, I become one of the countless others blogging about the latest passing, the death of John Hughes. Watts from “Some Kind of Wonderful,” Ally Sheedy’s eccentric character from “The Breakfast Club,” and Duckie Dale from “Pretty in Pink.” Love unrequited, feeling bored and trying to create your identity in a world that tried to typecast you. Hughes’ films touched on the themes of adolescence. Or in some of his other works, family and childhood. He used a humorous lens to help us see ourselves, and each other, and laugh.

But more importantly to me, he, and the other passings on my list, represents just another piece of my childhood that is getting old and dying. I can remember going to the theaters with my teased bangs, oversized Guess sweater and pegged jeans to see “Some Kind of Wonderful.” I remember the instructions to fastforward through any bad language and inappropriate parts as I watched “The Breakfast Club” on old Betamax video with my friend. I remember seeking out vests a la Duckie Dale at thrift stores because really, how can you not love Duckie Dale?

I wonder who the icons will be for my kids thirty years from now. What figures these days have the staying power?

If technology ever fails… July 28, 2009

…my family is in such trouble. I guess what I’m saying is that neither my hubby or I are very handy. He can program computers to run complicated search engines for libraries or intricate realistic graphics for video games. I can theoretically teach kids reading, writing, and mathematics, etc. But if it comes to practical day-to-day skills, I think we are out of luck.

Example. For the first time in two years we have a refrigerator with a working light. No, we did not go out and buy a new refrigerator, although that was at the top of the list of solutions for the no-light-in-the-fridge problem. The other day, my hubby had a light bulb moment (pun intended) and realized, “Hey, maybe we just need to change the light bulb!?!” Since I was so excited about the prospect of such a simple solution working, I zipped over to the home improvement store at 8:20pm (they close at 9 on Sundays). I grabbed a bulb and voila! Let there be light… and there was light.

Exciting moment or sad, sad story that two seemingly intelligent people didn’t consider that solution for two whole years…

Apples and oranges… July 25, 2009

So, I spent the week thinking about ways to work with fractions. The particular focus for my student right now is adding and subtracting fractions with unlike denominators. We had to take a step to the side and practice finding equivalent fractions with common denominators because you can’t really compare – subtraction (or combine – addition) apples and oranges easily, or twelfths and tenths as the case may be.

And so that had me thinking about my kiddoes, Eins and Zwei. They both spent last week at two separate camps. On the last day, Eins’ teacher for the camp smiles and shakes hands, does introductions, and then tells me how clever he is and how he’s such a good listener. I smile politely, though there’s a small internal cringe for the good listener part. Yes, I appreciate that he’s a good listener that doesn’t give the teacher crap, but at the same time, the independent thinker part of me thinks that sometimes he can be too good a listener.

Then I go to pick up Zwei from his last day. The teacher takes me aside, no kids or parents in earshot. She leans in close and says, “Zwei is a joy to teach.” Yes, I know, he’s that sort of kid. She continues, “He’s funny and makes everyone laugh. But he knows the limits and can be serious when he needs to be. He asks interesting questions that make everyone think. And he’s amazingly thoughtful and empathetic.” I say the polite thank you. Yup, that is Zwei in a nutshell. He is cheery and funny and EASY to like. Everyone in Zwei’s world is a friend or a friend he hasn’t made yet.

And I love him dearly. He’s an amazing kiddo, and I’m lucky to say I’m his mom. BUT, the Momma Bear in me wants to shout, “But Eins is just as thoughtful and empathetic and funny and wonderful… he just takes a little more effort to see that.” Eins, like his father, and probably like me to some extent, takes a little more effort to fall in love with. You aren’t going to get there from just the surface glance.

Zwei is my supermarket apple. He’s shiny and polished and makes you want to take a bite (not literally), and is just as sweet and flavorful inside. Eins is my orange. He has a thick peel that you need to work past to get to the good stuff inside. Even once peeled, there’s those little stringy parts to deal with now and then. But he’s as sweet and flavorful as Zwei.

Ack, and now I’ve run out of time as I need to get to class to learn more about fractions and math!

Hey now! Hey wow! July 20, 2009

we got to meet… “Between the Lions!”

Yes, the same wonderfully-made PBS television show that has helped both of my boys to become readers was on tour. The local children’s museum hosted them. Zwei and I headed out for a date with the lions.

We followed the paw prints.

We joined the other young readers, budding readers, and designated readers in a few warm-up songs and dancing. And then we helped belt out the theme song…

Out came Lionel and Cleo, the information hen, the Vowelles, and the Dixie Chimps for a lovely interactive show. Here’s how Eins and Zwei solidified their understanding of vowel pairs making the first vowel say its name.

After the show we had a chance to meet the stars. Zwei was rather shy, but Lionel won him over. He noticed Zwei’s world cup soccer shirt… with a lion and got very excited.

At last Zwei had warmed up to the idea of taking a photo. Here he is with Lionel.

So thank you to PBS, to the Children’s Museum, and to whatever sponsors made this tour possible. The teacher in me was delighted to see so many people excited about learning to read. The mom in me was touched by the impact these characters have made on her own children’s lives. Hooray for quality public television… and reading instruction that inspires the love of reading!

Wow! I’ve become a censor… July 14, 2009

Apparently the topic of my most recent post brought me all sorts of unwanted attention. Typically, I would like to allow the comments, even ones of opposing viewpoints. However, since I do not feel comfortable posting links to sites that I am not familiar with the content of, I have decided to deny the comments.
This was a difficult decision for me. It feels like censorship, and I am really not a fan of censorship. If the responses, that were probably well-intentioned, as they seemed to express concern over saving me and my children from eternal hellfires and the like, had been constructive comments, I would be happy to share them. I think the gist of what they were trying to communicate is:

- hey, it’s possible that satan is weaseling his way into your life in ways x,y, and z…
- or wow, you seem really down on religion, and it does have a lot of positives to offer… have you considered that it fulfills this need (insert explanation) that a life without religion does not

Or if someone would have addressed my concerns that my belief in the nature of humanity and its capacity for goodness was flawed… you know, the old philosophical debate of human nature. The political philosopher in me would have loved to quote some Rousseau at you in a reasoned discussion. However, the comments that I received have not been on the constructive variety and so, despite wanting to be open-minded here, I have to say, sorry, thank you, but try again.

Skeletons, demons, and atheists in the closet… July 14, 2009

They say every family has their skeletons in the closet.

Ours really are skeletons. And demons. Dragons. Basilisks. Wendigos. You name it. We’ve got it. Crammed into two large media storage units beside our television, our family secrets remain. We open them only to the household guest with whom we feel comfortable enough to reveal our oddities. We are gamers, a family of gamers from oldest to youngest. Our particular flavor of games revolves around Japanese role play games. Most of these games have a very standard storyline: hero fighting against power-hungry bad guy(s). Technology or religion threaten to get too carried away and destroy humanity. (For a great list of these cliches, visit here).

So fine, we play video games. That’s not so weird, is it?
Well, we (the grown ups) play an online role play game. We meet virtual friends online and fight big tough monsters cooperatively. Sounds really dysfunctional, right? I’m still trying to put my finger on what makes this more dysfunctional than folks scheduling life to watch trendy hit medical show or random reality tv show of the night. But by the reactions of even closer friends, it’s still one of those things that unless you are into it, folks just don’t fully get. So there’s my closet secret identity.

Then, there’s the video games the kids play and they play with their dad. Okay, so there’s Pokemon. Pocket monsters. You capture these little monsters, mostly cute little critters, and then call them out (summon them) to fight for you. They have different powers, tied to a type: water, fire, earth, ghost, etc. That seems simple and innocuous enough, right? Now let’s say that the monsters that you are summoning just happen to be called demons or devils… and they are tied to an element: fire, earth, water, spirit, etc. Eyebrows are twitching, I can tell. Folks want to raise them.

Then we get to the kicker. Not only are we the weirdo gamer family. Our young children spend their free time playing soccer and math games, building with legos, and then summoning their demons. Oh, and by the way, no thanks, we don’t want to come to the MOPS meeting because we aren’t Christian. Um, no, we aren’t Jewish either. Buddhist? Nope. Actually, we -um- and that’s when I really stumble and stagger. So far the best response I’ve managed is, “We don’t practice any religion.” People seem to let you off the hook with that one. You hear their own confessions about how long it’s been since they’ve gone to mass or whatnot. It’s so much easier than the alternative – We don’t believe in god.

I am not sure if I’ve rambled about this here or not, but I HATE the word “atheist.” “A” meaning without, “theist” the god thing. Without god. For on thing, I don’t like being defined by what I am not. More significantly though, try telling someone that you are an atheist (that isn’t also one). Apparently the word atheist has the connotation of being not only without god, but without morals. Since I have enough rep and credibility as the generous volunteer, a mom of pretty well-behaved mild-mannered kiddoes, etc, I get this shocked look… the thought bubbles above the heads read “She’s an atheist… but she seems so normal!” From those who don’t know me as well, I just get this look like I just announced that I regularly hold rituals and conversations with satan and the dark spirits… ah, that explains the video games.

I almost think it’d be easier to say I was Wiccan and believed in white magic or something. People can wrap their heads around believing in SOMETHING. And I try to explain that I do believe in something. I believe in humanity, in nature, in science. I believe that we have an obligation to each other to make our time on this place we share a good one. I believe that we should treat each other, our planet, and our fellow inhabitants with respect and dignity. I believe that you don’t need anything supernatural or divine to tell you that. I believe that divinity (like ultimate goodness) comes from living a good life.

So for the most part, we try to keep our skeletons, our demons, our video game habits, and our beliefs (our atheism) extremely private.

Talk radio… July 12, 2009

I confess. I typically avoid answering calls from telemarketers. I think caller ID is one of the those non-essential but definitely lovely inventions of the modern world. But every now and then I get this twinge of guilt. I guess I had too many broke college friends and knew too many moms trying to make ends meet who took jobs as telemarketers to have complete disdain for the field.

So the phone rang. I answered. And I was caught by a survey… about talk radio. Despite probably being the perfect demographic… left-leaning, highly-educated, latte-toting, cloth-grocery-bag-using, politic-debating, random-trivia-loving, etc., I feel like listening to NPR is about as pleasant as the dentist’s drill. I know that a good number of my friends listen and love it; they quote bits to me often enough. But to me, radio is for music and goofy dj’s spouting nonsense, gossip, stupid radio tricks, and opinions about major world events based on what people were wearing and such.

The poor interview lady tried her best. “What stations do you know and recognize? Which do you listen to?” I had the young club-goers station with the young hip dj’s and the mix of emo to rap. I had the ‘at work radio station’ with dorky banter and light pop/rock hits. I had the folksy-light rock-Jack Johnson station. I have the alternative rock station with edgy sounding dj’s… I always wonder if they drive minivans and dress in khakis and Abercrombie tees when not at work.
“Any others?” I know there’s a country station, but I wouldn’t know how to find it on the dial. I know there’s some Christian station, but I think that’s AM. I only turn to AM for the staticky traffic reports when necessary.

“What about talk radio? Do you know a station with intelligent discussion of local and national issues, book reviews, amazing informative programming, radio that will make you a smarter, better person?” Um, yea, I can’t think of what it’s called, I know it’s out there, but I don’t listen to it.
“Would you listen to it if you could find it on your dial?” Would you like it here or there? NO, I WOULD NOT LIKE IT ANYWHERE.

I finally felt bad for the woman and said, I’m sorry. I just don’t listen to talk radio. In the area I live, if I want to listen to people spouting random trivia and thought and opinions on local news, I can sit at a local coffeeshop. If I want a liberal bias, I know the neighborhoods to visit. If I want conservative bias, I know the places to go. When I’m in my car, I just want to listen to music. I don’t want to analyze and filter bias, I don’t want to feel tempted to argue, and I don’t need to be the choir that somebody preaches to. Give me some BOOM BOOM POW stupid lyrics and let me be.

Playdate guilt… July 9, 2009

I am just coming back from what I deem a really successful playdate. Kiddo had a great time; older one was at camp. It gave me a nagging feeling that I should probably do the playdate thing more often, despite my own introvert issues. But I don’t. Probably because my checklist is too long.

I know that a playdate is really about the kids having fun… or is it about providing a positive social experience for my child. What makes a positive social experience? What makes a good playdate? Here’s my thoughts.

1. The kid(s) enjoy it. They are playing with someone who will entertain them.
2. There is potential for conflict resolution. It isn’t a perfect playdate if the relationship is so one-sided that one kid is always setting the rules and the other just follows them. Playdates are a time to practice compromise and negotiation.
3. For playdates that involve parent interaction, I have to be friendly or neutral toward the other parent. Sorry, but I’m not willing to suffer through an uncomfortable experience for the sake of a playdate. Soccer teams, pta meetings, etc. sure, but a playdate is like an optional thing, and I’m not a martyr.
4. The interaction will have a net sum of positivity. The social benefits of cooperative play and social interaction will outweigh the negative quirks, behaviors, language, and habits that my child may adopt based on the experience. (ie. The kid who says, “Oh my god! That is so stupid.” for 90% of the playdate, probably not winning this one.)
5. It needs to be easy. Play should be fun, not a lot of work and effort. Sure, we CAN decide to do tie-dyeing or painting at the playdate, or bake a cake. But it’s not the expectation. The kids can have fun with a ball, a playground, each other.

I’m such a picky parent. I hope my kiddoes don’t mind too much.