A dear George letter… July 3, 2009

So it’s almost the fourth of July and that has me thinking about one of those historical folks who I always was pretty impressed by, despite the standard issues of historical folks, Thomas Jefferson. He and John Adams, Ben Franklin, Roger Sherman, and Robert Livingstone collaborated to create what I must say is the ultimate in dear John letter (though according to Wikipedia, it wasn’t until a much later war, World War II, that the phrase was coined).

So, in honor of America’s Declaration of Independence which you can find in its entirety here, a dear George letter to King George III of England…

Dear George,
Like in many relationships, the time has come, when I think we need a change. It’s just our political bands really. We can still be friends, share tea and scones and such, maybe even collaborate in later wars and things. But I feel like you are smothering me, and I need my freedom, some space to grow and explore my identity. And like in many relationships, when this time comes, it is only fair to make it clear exactly how we have gotten to this point.

For one thing, I believe that we both are entitled to our rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Our lives are taking separate paths, we want different things. And in order to achieve these different goals, it’s time for me to spread my wings. I need to figure out exactly what it is that I want for myself in future political relationships and just lay that all out there in order to truly be happy and secure. I’m not deciding this lightly. I wouldn’t just throw away our relationship. I’ve been thinking about this a lot, and here are some of the many reasons why it’s time for us to go our separate ways.

You have “refused to assent to laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.” You act like a dork in front of my friends and wouldn’t wear a suit to my company holiday party.

You have “forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.” Like the time we were deciding where to go for dinner with two other couples and you made us all wait until after the last inning of the baseball game.

You have “dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly…” Any time I try to talk through a problem with you, you say, “Don’t worry about it, honey” and try to change the subject.

You have “erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people and eat out their substance.” Your friends come by for game night, poker night, and Xbox night several times per month and never bother to bring food or beer or anything.

We have tried to address these grievances with you, and with your friends and family. “They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.” Except for your mother, because she makes the best Thanksgiving dinner and is a sweetheart.

Therefore, I “appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, …solemnly publish and declare, that (I am and) ought to be (a) Free and Independent State, that (I am) Absolved from all Allegiance to (you), and that all political connection …is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, (I have) full Power to (see other people, get the key to my apartment back, keep the three sweatshirts that I borrowed from you because I have worn them more, can tell other people it was your fault we broke up) and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do.”

I hope we can still be friends,
Yours,
America